This is the first time (in 4 years) me and my friends failed to book for a summer trip getaway. Different excuses and reasons arose. And we have nothing left to do but whine and regret not buying a ticket.
I thought my wandering days are over…
But thanks to promo deals websites, I was able to grab a 3-day Boracay trip for 2. Matt and I have been waiting long enough to grab a deal such as this. So, we booked our trip on August. Just in time for our 4th Anniversary. (I hope and pray our booked dates will be sunny though.)
Boracay - Photo from kriyayoga.com
And just last week, my brother booked us (my whole family) a trip to Singapore! Yay! It’s going to be my first time to travel outside the Philippines. I am really excited. 🙂
Singapore - Photo from travelpluto.com
And since we’ll be flying to Singapore, my brother (who used to work in Malaysia) said we can take a 5-hour bus trip to Kuala Lumpur. His second home. 😉
Kuala Lumpur - Photo from travelwiseasia.com
I’m really stoked. All I could think about is this, but I would have to wait for a few more months. And so, the wanderer continues…
“I miss our long kisses at the back of a cab. I miss the shy way you talk to me. And every time I caught you glancing, I can’t help but feel uneasy. The unfamiliar texture of your hand. The warmth of your lips the very first time they touched mine. I was observing you… memorizing you.”
And now, I know you so well that I’m afraid. I know what every sigh means. I know when you’re beside me and you’re thinking afar. I know that sometimes you utter those three words just for the sake of it, to make me feel better. I know when I’ve done something to unleash the tiger and I cant take the things I’ve said back.
Those familiar eyes and smiles… I know when something’s up… How I wish it’s always the very first time… When I still don’t know you.
I want to see things as a 12-yr old again. Back then, I don’t see the ugly nor the bad. I always believed that each and everyone is created beautifully in their own way. And I pity those who can’t see beauty within themselves. And I pray for them. I was once filled with hopes and dreams. I never thought of how hard I’ll have to work for it, I just focus on the goal and strive for it. I was brave when it comes to dreaming.
I never looked at other people’s physical appearances. Although I do know how to distinguish beautiful from ugly, it was never really an issue for me. ‘Cause our parents taught us that having a pure heart is what truly matters.
Growing up as the youngest and only girl, Mama and Papa were really strict. So I also grew up in fear. Fear of committing a mistake. Fear of turning them and the people around me down. Fear of not being good enough.
So in the eyes of a 12-yr old me, I never expected others to be perfect… But I try my hardest to at least come close to being perfect.
I have zilch memory of you. Or so I thought…
You dropped by yesterday which caught me off guard. I had no clue I’d be seeing you again, not right now. But your visit reminded me and made me realize things about myself. My weaknesses and stuff I should do to avoid you.
What’s insane is that I was able to take a glimpse of the status of my relationship through an objective point of view. Feelings and emotions enclosed for a while. And however cliché it may sound, truth does hurt. That’s where you came in, continuously knocking on my door, not taking “no” for an answer. You wanted to stay. So bad.
Your grip was very strong. You’re like a devil whispering in my head. You won’t let me go. And I almost gave in. Almost.
But then I met his eyes. His eyes were like skies that will rain. I felt his warm hands over mine. I felt the fast beating of his heart through his chest. And I can’t stop crying. I love him so much, no amount of words could ever explain…
I’m sorry broken heart. You can’t stay here for long anymore. I hope not to see you ever again. But thank you for letting me take a step back to analyze things.
You know something’s wrong when he often gets mad at you for every little thing you do, or when he starts to look at other girls (not discreetly) this time. But you ask him what’s wrong? Are you mad at me? And he only smiles at you and put his arms around you like nothing’s wrong.
When did all of this start? Why didn’t I even notice it? Am I too stubborn and complacent? Or are you too sensitive?
I haven’t felt anything like this again since I met you. I never thought I’d cry in my sleep again, not because of you.
However hurt I am, I still thank you for being honest enough to admit that you think of another girl that way. However shocked I am, I still thank you for telling me all this that you’re not ready yet. However guilty I am, I still thank you for giving “us” another chance…
Like I said, I’m willing to wait if that’s what it takes to let you know how much I love you and how much I want to be the “one” for you.
You know you’re getting old when you prefer music you grew up listening to instead of the music currently playing on the radio. You know you’ve matured when you almost always find yourself enjoying the company of people who have substance more than just people to laugh with and share gossip with. You know you’re leaving your 20’s-hood behind when all of your friends and classmates are either getting married or are starting to raise their own family. You know that when your bills start to bloat dramatically, it’s the start of a responsibility and a future much bigger.
And where could have all the years gone by?
Besides having signs of wrinkles and dry skin, metabolism slowing down and blood sugar problems; I’ve also stored a number of memories and experiences to cherish, mistakes and wrong decisions to learn from, more pictures and videos of me, my family and friends collected, gained much more confidence and aggressiveness, made new friends, etc.
I pretty much have had an adventurous ride of life which makes me wanting and hoping for more… Cheers to my 28 years, 8 months, and 18 days of existence, cheers to my last few years (or months rather) of 20’s-hood!
Turns out I’m not the only one having plane crash dreams. Hundreds of others (according to Google) have dreamt of it too. Even a close friend of mine says she’s had the same dream when she was my age, and we both arrived to the same conclusion that it only means; I have a goal I’ve been wanting to reach but I can’t or maybe afraid I might not be able to reach.
I don’t know if I can say I still lack confidence in this day and age. But apparently, my dreams are telling me otherwise. Having to set goals as high as the skies but afraid of even taking the first step toward reaching them, the same as like having “aviatophobia” the fear of flying. But I don’t want to admit that. I don’t want to be scared of soaring high…
And now that I am wide awake, I’m willing to take the risk and make this dream go away, with the help of my family and friends who believe in me. The crashing plane I see is nothing but a shooting star, and my wish will soon be granted; in God’s grace and time.